so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
