my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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