:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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