Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
