I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
