DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
