it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're too hungover to prance.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
