Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
