I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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