i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
