Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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