Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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