Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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