And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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