Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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