Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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