Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
