I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
