I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
