bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
