She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
