New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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