Plan B is the new Plan A
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
