the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
