dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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