ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
