you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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