Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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