Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
