I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
