just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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