Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
