So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
