bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
