I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You need a sexual gate keeper
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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