Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
