Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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