Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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