I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize