He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
