That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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