ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
