Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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