You made me cry and you don't even care
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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