I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love you.
Bad choice
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
