Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
