I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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