She's JV to your varsity
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.