Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!