whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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