Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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