So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
