Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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