May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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