i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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