How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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