I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
