My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
