I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
