I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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