Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need a beard to bite.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
