Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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