I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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