video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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