Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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