hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
