you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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