Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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