i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
