$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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