...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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