Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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